Herein starts my journey into self.
Today is much the same as every other day I suppose. Except that I have a driving need after watching a documentary of Wittgenstein to seek my deeper purpose. My genuineness, my existence and what that is, or means. Philosophers have always stirred up a whirlpool of depth within, for me. I truly believe that everything on this earth was created by the Lord and even though many a religious person will build a wall and close their mind, for me, if God puts it before me I know I need to investigate it through the eyes of my faith and His grace.
I suppose it matters only too me… really, but I know I am meant to be, and do, so much more than I have up to this point in life.
It’s not that I have not served purpose up to this point. I have given birth to seven wonderful unique children, no eight but my mother stopped the first one from entering my life. She did not do this for any reason other than ignorance, fear of the future and a limited mind when it came to the possibility that God does not create mistakes only Blessings and He had possabilities for that child too.
Oh but to dwell on what cannot be changed, has been and is no longer, is a futile and useless waste of my present.
Yet that is exactly what I need to do, to a point, in order to figure out what it is I am missing. What am I made up of…? Whose genes reside in me now from past generations? What is their part in their existence within me? Of course it is kind of silly and redundant as I will never know for sure now, will I?
I love music to the depths of my soul. My heart , mind, and brain, sings within and hums all day , every day and always has. It is the music of me, or is it? Could it be the music of someone long ago? Maybe it has already been written or maybe never allowed out past the inner makings of it …like I do? Give me a beat, and my heart creates a melody, give me a melody, and my mind creates the words (almost always in praise to my Lord). I hear music in a river, the wind, nature. I hear percussion in everything from walking, to busy streets, to rain. Where does it come from? Undoubtably the Lord, but there has always been an inner knowing that it comes from the depths of my inner core, which HE also created. What does that mean? I just wrote it, but it is another of my thoughts that eludes an answer. I know He creates us with gifts and talents to be used for His Glory.
Writing… another of my passions. I can never get enough. Oh… that I could write all day and have no need of income to pay the bills. Better yet write and receive enough income to pay the bills. But I can only write what is true and heartfelt to me. I have no time for fantasy writing or the reading of it. Life is to short to waste my present on something that throws away the precious commodity of time.
I am presently taking a course on copywriting for the purpose of earning income. I am not sure how this is going to work as I could only write what I know is true. Therefore I must find things to promote that I fully agree with as being the most superior, for the friends that I am promoting them to…
Is there even jobs within this writing that I will find? For some odd reason I intuitivly believe there not only is, but that there are many. I also feel strongly that I will excel at what I am doing. Hmmm… is this a message from the past? An insight from the Lord ? Both?
It is hard taking the course, as it is all about “how to sell anybody, anything. But I know, “that” will not be how I use it, and I have an odd peace within as I learn. I see my writing future within the copywriting aspect as becoming a breakthrough. But I have no idea how that would play out yet. These of course, are my thoughts… am I trying to convince myself by writing them? Maybe.
ok, what do I call this? Day 1-a? I walked away from my computer, had a couple mouthfuls of coffee and wham!@&*# the thoughts started racing a hundred miles an hour so guess what, I’m back…lol
At least 5 minutes have passed since I signed off the last entry.
I have decided I am going to post my writings on my website. GULP! After all it is called “Reflections of Life” and that’s what these are. Who knows if anyone will read them, it’s not an advertised site, just my little outlet. But that’s ok, cause I don’t care if any one reads them, or likes them, or agrees with them,… they are mine.
Don’t agree? To bad… don’t read them then because I won’t argue any of it. If on the other hand you would like to debate , discuss, or leave your thoughts about my thoughts, I’m all for it! I have nothing to prove, but a great deal I believe.
Since this will be public I must tell you I love the LORD with all my heart, soul and body, each and every day 24/7. BUT I do not believe, that the Jesus taught today is the same Jesus that was taught a few hundred years ago by the first pilgrims to step on the North American continent. There “ARE” those who do see the bigger realm of our LORD and what He stands for, and they DO live by the Grace and Mercy of the Lord with understanding. But they, are few and far between, and very shunned by the majority of those who stand in the self righteous, self proclaimed authority of Christian Leadership today.
I do not believe in a Jesus or God who sees us as guilty , condemned and never measuring up. Jesus died for that.
I believe our sins, guilt, and condemnation were paid for by Jesus Blood over 2000 years ago and when He said “it is finished”, He meant it.
He did not say,” it will be finished, someday, once you are good enough, worked hard enough, asked forgivness enough”…
To say Jesus Blood was not enough to pay the debt of sin, is to say Adams sin was more powerful than Jesus blood. NO WAY. How can we really believe that if Jesus Blood was NOT enough, that “we” could ever try or do enough to make up for it????? Talk about “self righteous”!
If the debt of sin has been paid and it is finished, there is nothing else to do but be grateful beyond words and do our best to Honour and Glorify the one who paid our Debt.
The Word has been so twisted in the last few hundred years we barely have a shadow of what the Lord is really trying to teach, show, and give us. We, and I mean me as well, for a long long time, have been misguided and mis-taught on the Word and Will of the Lord.
I personally feel it was a slow paradigm of control and manipulation of the masses. To keep us in fear, doubt and condemnation thereby ensuring we could be guided and directed at will.
This is not necessarily the preacher or pastors fault, they were taught whatever they were taught and then pass it on to us. I believe with mostly good intentions and honest desire and love for the Lord BUT they, and us, tend to take others interpretations and viewpoints as fact, then work from there. Instead of reading, praying, researching the Lords word ourselves as well (it’s called laziness and becomes the blind, leading the blind).It is a dangerous place to be.
Will we and they still go to Heaven? Absolutely, the ONLY pre-requisite for salvation is Believing that Jesus was God’s Son, that he was born of a virgin (God and man) Emmanuel (God with us), that He died on the cross for us and His blood paid for the debt of sin, then He rose again (bodily) to sit at the right hand of the Father while we await His return.
Salvation is not in question here, only missing out of a life filled with JOY, Peace, REST, and all the Promises and Blessings the Lord has for us right now while we are still down here. You won’t have much of those if you are busy trying to measure up and work hard enough to qualify or stay qualified.
K, I’m done my rant now. And no I won’t be writing in this depth again on my beliefs. I just had to right now for some reason. Should you wish to know scripture for what I have written I will gladly provide it. If you wish to discuss this concept further or have questions let me know in the comments and I will give you my e-mail address as I have no intention of this topic taking over the site. Any comments that are not acceptable to my heart will be deleted and blocked.
tomorrow my journey continues…