I Am Now Two.

I am now TWO

I used to be hugged, cuddled, kissed, hummed to, smiled at a lot, encouraged to giggle, makes sounds with my mouth, slash in water, & touch and hold things.

If I was scared or in pain or hungry or just needed to know someone was there for me someone came right away.

I got hours of attention and lots of praise when I formed my sounds into words, started feeding myself, stumbled my way into being able to walk or started going on the potty.

But now I am two, I am scared, I’m am lonely, I am confused, I cry a lot now

My soft, happy, exciting world of wonder and love is full angry hurtful judgements, threats and punishments now.

If I’m hungry, I just have to wait.

If I’m thirsty, I just have to wait

If I need help, I just have to wait.

If I want attention, I just have to wait.

If I want to show you something I’m proud of, I just have to wait.

If I want to tell you something, I just have to wait.

If My tummy hurts or I’m sick, I just have to wait

If I’m happy and just want to hug you, I just have to wait.

There is very little time for me in your schedule now. Spurts of moments here and there. After all I am 600 + days old now. I should be able to figure it out!

I am told I should know better but I’m not sure why or what.

I hear the adults talk about how they knew better but . . . and then they laugh.

They don’t ever laugh when I should know better.

My attention span is to short & my memory is to short, after all I have been told many times and I still forget, whats wrong with me ? I should have this down by now I am already 600+ days old!.

I don’t understand!   What did I do?  I don’t like it here anymore. It’s very lonely and I don’t fit in anywhere, except alone.

I am sad about that but if I cry to much I will make everyone mad. But it means someone has noticed me, they are not happy, but they are talking directly to me.

365 days ago they were excited when I talked, laughed and played, now I’m supposed to be quiet.

365 days ago They made all sorts of fuss as I took my first steps, now I’m supposed to stay out of their way or in my room.

365 days ago They played with me and laughed and hugged me, now I’m supposed to go play with my toys, quietly.

I get 1 or 2 short hugs per day and maybe 1 kiss goodnight (if they aren’t mad at me again.)

365 days ago I was their everything, now I am in the way.

365 days ago they were always holding me, Now they always holding their phones.

But I’m figuring some things out now, just in time cause soon I will be THREE!

CMJordan, Dec2013

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