Herein starts my journey into self.

Today is much the same as every other day I suppose. Except that I have a driving need after watching a documentary of Wittgenstein to seek my deeper purpose. My genuineness, my existence and what that is, or means. Philosophers have always stirred up a whirlpool of depth within, for me. I truly believe that everything on this earth was created by the Lord and even though many a religious person will build a wall and close their mind, for me, if God puts it before me I know I need to investigate it through the eyes of my faith and His grace.

I suppose it matters only too me… really,  but I know I am meant to be, and do, so much more than I have up to this point in life.

It’s not that I have not served purpose up to this point. I have given birth to seven wonderful unique children, no eight but my mother stopped the first one from entering my life. She did not do this for any reason other than ignorance, fear of the future and a limited mind when it came to the possibility that God does not create mistakes only Blessings and He had possabilities for that child too.

Oh but to dwell on what cannot be changed, has been and is no longer, is a futile and useless waste of my present.

Yet that is exactly what I need to do, to a point, in order to figure out what it is I am missing. What am I made up of…? Whose genes reside in me now from past generations? What is their part in their existence within me?  Of course it is kind of silly and redundant as I will never know for sure now, will I?

I love music to the depths of my soul. My heart , mind, and brain, sings within and hums all day , every day and always has. It is the music of me, or is it? Could it be the music of someone long ago? Maybe it has already been written or maybe never allowed out past the inner makings of it …like I do?  Give me a beat, and my heart creates a melody, give me a melody, and my mind creates the words (almost always in praise to my Lord). I hear music in a river, the wind, nature. I hear percussion in everything from walking, to busy streets, to rain. Where does it come from? Undoubtably the Lord, but there has always been an inner knowing that it comes from the depths of my inner core, which HE also created. What does that mean? I just wrote it, but it is another of my thoughts that eludes an answer. I know He creates us with gifts and talents to be used for His Glory.

Writing… another of my passions. I can never get enough. Oh… that I could write all day and have no need of income to pay the bills. Better yet write and receive enough income to pay the bills. But I can only write what is true and heartfelt to me. I have no time for fantasy writing or the reading of it. Life is to short to waste my present on something that throws away the precious commodity of time.

I am presently taking a course on copywriting for the purpose of earning income. I am not sure how this is going to work as I could only write what I know is true. Therefore I must find things to promote that I fully agree with as being the most superior, for the friends that I am promoting them to…

Is there even jobs within this writing that I will find? For some odd reason I intuitivly believe there not only is, but that there are many.  I also feel strongly that I will excel at what I am doing. Hmmm… is this a message from the past? An insight from the Lord ? Both?

It is hard taking the course, as it is all about “how to sell anybody, anything. But I know, “that” will not be how I use it, and I have an odd peace within as I learn. I see my writing future within the copywriting aspect as becoming a breakthrough. But I have no idea how that would play out yet. These of course, are my thoughts… am I trying to convince myself by writing them? Maybe.

Nov 5/17


ok, what do I call this? Day 1-a? I walked away from my computer, had a couple mouthfuls of coffee and wham!@&*# the thoughts started racing a hundred miles an hour so guess what,  I’m back…lol

At least 5 minutes have passed since I signed off the last entry.

I have decided I am going to post my writings on my website. GULP! After all it is called “Reflections of Life” and that’s what these are. Who knows if anyone will read them, it’s not an advertised site, just my little outlet. But that’s ok, cause I don’t care if any one reads them, or likes them, or agrees with them,… they are mine.

Don’t agree? To bad… don’t read them then because I won’t argue any of it. If on the other hand you would like to debate , discuss, or leave your thoughts about my thoughts, I’m all for it! I have nothing to prove, but a great deal I believe.

Since this will be public I must tell you I love the LORD with all my heart, soul and body, each and every day 24/7. BUT I do not believe, that the Jesus taught today is the same Jesus that was taught a few hundred years ago by the first pilgrims to step on the North American continent. There “ARE” those who do see the bigger realm of our LORD and what He stands for, and  they DO live by the Grace and Mercy of the Lord with understanding. But they, are few and far between, and very shunned by the majority of those who stand in the self righteous, self proclaimed authority of Christian Leadership today.

I do not believe in a Jesus or God who sees us as guilty , condemned and never measuring up. Jesus died for that.

I believe our sins, guilt, and condemnation were paid for by Jesus Blood over 2000 years ago and when He said “it is finished”, He meant it.

He did not say,” it will be finished, someday, once you are good enough, worked hard enough, asked forgivness enough”…

To say Jesus Blood was not enough to pay the debt of sin, is to say Adams sin was more powerful than Jesus blood. NO WAY. How can we really believe that if Jesus Blood was NOT enough, that “we” could ever try or do enough to make up for it????? Talk about “self righteous”!

If the debt of sin has been paid and it is finished, there is nothing else to do but be grateful beyond words and do our best to Honour and Glorify the one who paid our Debt.

The Word has been so twisted in the last few hundred years we barely have a shadow of what the Lord is really trying to teach, show, and give us. We, and I mean me as well, for a long long time, have been misguided and mis-taught on the Word and Will of the Lord.

I personally feel it was a slow paradigm of control and manipulation of the masses. To keep us in fear, doubt and condemnation thereby ensuring we could be guided and directed at will.

This is not necessarily the preacher or pastors fault, they were taught whatever they were taught and then pass it on to us. I believe with mostly good intentions and honest desire and love for the Lord BUT they, and us, tend to take others interpretations and viewpoints as fact, then work from there. Instead of reading, praying, researching the Lords word ourselves as well (it’s called laziness and becomes the blind, leading the blind).It is a dangerous place to be.

Will we and they still go to Heaven? Absolutely, the ONLY pre-requisite for salvation is Believing that Jesus was God’s Son, that he was born of a virgin (God and man) Emmanuel (God with us),  that He died on the cross for us and His blood paid for the debt of sin, then He rose again (bodily) to sit at the right hand of the Father while we await His return.

Salvation is not in question here, only missing out of a life filled with  JOY, Peace, REST, and all the Promises and Blessings the Lord has for us right now while we are still down here. You won’t have much of those if you are busy trying to measure up and work hard enough to qualify or stay qualified.

K, I’m done my rant now. And no I won’t be writing in this depth again on my beliefs. I just had to right now for some reason. Should you wish to know scripture for what I have written I will gladly provide it. If you wish to discuss this concept further or have questions let me know in the comments and I will give you my e-mail address as I have no intention of this topic taking over the site. Any comments that are not acceptable to my heart will be deleted and blocked.

tomorrow my journey continues…

Nov 5/17


My thoughts on Addiction

Jesus & Peanut Butter



We ALL are addict’s!

Dictionary definition: addict
1 stealing money for your next high, just like the addicts out in the street | a barbiturate addict: abuser, user, drug addict; informal junkie, druggie, -head, -freak, pill-popper, dope fiend.
2 informal skiing addicts: enthusiast, fan, lover, devotee, aficionado; informal freak, buff, nut, fiend, bum, junkie, fanatic, maniac.

I find it ridiculous that the actual “formal” definition is relative only to drugs and alcohol.

Who decided that?
On what basis?

Addiction is whatever coping skills we personally choose “thinking” it helps us cope with stress in our lives and makes us feel better (usually followed with some remorse).

Shopping addict – more junk stored, more debt, less money
Food addict – more weight gain or loss issues.
Sugar addict …
Smoker …
No matter what the addiction is, they all have consequences to our physical/mental well being.
They ALL weigh down the financial and medical system, yet boost the economy.

There is a distinct difference between a NEED and a WANT.

But most of us will rationalize in our own mind that our “wants” are, our needs. Thereby excluding, our own specific addictions as “not relevant” in the category.

We NEED: Food, Shelter, Clothing.

We WANT: Everything else.

If we want, to the point of “have to have”… it has become an addiction.
Bigger house, more toys, beat the Jones, bigger bank account, more recognition, higher rank, freakier hair, longer nails, stronger, better, newer, …

Although each of us states: “I am in control.” “I can do without ___ ? “
CAN we? DO we? Rarely unless forced to, by something outside ourselves.

Why then have we chosen to BRAND addict and addiction on a select few?

Because it isn’t “OUR” choice of addiction ?

How is any addiction less detrimental than another ?
The final result is only in the time factor.

All addictions could or have:
– landed us in need of physical and mental medical attention.
– Homeless/ jobless ? Divorce, Act of Nature, Bomb, stock market plunge, bank closure, lack of adequate insurance, over insurance, … could drop you on your ass in a split second.

In closing I would suggest… that there are a great deal more “closet” drug and alcohol addicts than there are homeless ones.

They are usually the ones that condemn the loudest and hardest.

Remember… tomorrow is another day, and at one time, most of them were standing right where you are now.

Personally… I am addicted to Jesus & peanut butter, the rest are way to numerous to mention…

CMJordan 2017

Thanksgiving Song

Thanksgiving Song

My Father, my Saviour, my Teacher, my Guide

Surrounds me. Protects me. He stays by my side.

Fills me with Wisdom, Knowledge and Love

Points all things to Jesus, and my home far above

Provides for my needs and fills me with Peace

Rest is His mission. He is my release.

There’s NO condemnation, no guilt and no shame.

He paid the debt. I am free in His name.

No ills can reach me, I’m under his wing

He is my everything, that’s why I sing:

Forever I follow, forever I stand

All praise directed to the great I AM

Grounded in Peace, my Lord has a plan

CMJordan Oct 7, 2017


(stand back… don’t just look…see… Bet you missed the point of the “tree” pic)

Right in the middle of my step

A frozen pain within me lept

I reach behind to hold on tight

There’s no relief, what is my plight?

My mouth gapes open…Silent screams

Not one can help me now, it seems

Someone reaches… grabs my hand

Don’t pull, Don’t touch, is my command

With time and breath, this too will pass

Move very slowly… your no young lass.

CMJordan/Jan2017   Think maybe the tree has sciatica?

Black or White

Life is never Black or White,

As the old saying goes.

And I am grateful beyond words,

For the red… that’s in a Rose.

The pink and yellow, purple too

You find inside a sunset hue

For Black and White would be so cold

The boredom would so quick, Grow old.

And so the same, if life were such

With guarantees in all we touch.

Variety needed, to keep us free

Challenge us, with all we see.

From change and turmoil we do grow,

Ability to plant and sow

Then reap wisdom, insight, pain

A life that’s lived, is what you gain

CMJordan, Oct/2016

What Do I Want?

What do I want?… I want to know

As deep within, emotions flow.

I want to understand this time.

Help? Clarity? Peace of mind?

Do I want, to run the show?

Do I want, to just let go?

Do I want, to dance or sing?

I know, I could do anything.

Do I want, revenge or power?

Do I want, to hide and cower?

Do I want, to stand here strong?

Or back away from what I long?

Love, Acceptance, be a part…

Is what I hear deep in my heart.

To just belong, to find my place,

To find the courage to run this race.

To live with purpose, be set free

From prisons, that are holding me.

To smash the walls, to break the ties,

That strangle me, with all the lies.

I built this dark cell of despair,

Then claimed it as my own.

It is my choice, which path I take,

The repercussions…, mine alone.

CMJordan, 06/ 2016

All it would take is a WAR or FIRE


What an odd and impossible statement

ALL it would take is a “WAR”

to prove

Within 24 hrs hours you would know, that “all you own…  &  all you are…

is “Mind & Spirit”

The biggest DANGER lies in a belief that you can or do possess, anything other than yourself.

There is nothing outside “you” that you can control. You can manipulate certain things for a short period but you cannot own them, nor control them. That is mere illusion….

You can present to the world your wisdom, your experiences and your actions.

You can teach and enlighten all you meet in your walk through life.

You DO own your “words”. Your words have the power to build up or destroy everything around you, even your own Spirit

All the answers you will ever need in life are already inside you … and has been since the day you arrived. You are …. whoever you have “chosen” to be through your added experiences,  beliefs, choices and actions.  No-one and nothing else determines YOU

You create what you want, what you have and who you are presented as…whether subconsciously or consciously. But you contain, hold or own NOTHING outside of your mind. Even your body changes without your say so…

You are not your possessions

(although you may have put all your energies and focus into gathering them) you do not possess or control them. They can be stolen, broken, burned or disappear in an instant .

What makes you think you have any control of them?

Who are YOU without them???  You WILL be without them somewhere down the road so does that mean YOU cease to become YOU once you have seen proof you never owned them in the first place?

You are not your career or titles, bank account or social status

… and it is detrimental to your life that you do NOT consider them as such.

If the economy crashes and your status no longer exists…?

If you experience an accident or disease… ?

If your bank is forced to close with all your money in it…?

If your children, spouse… die and your status within your family is now past tense…?

Do you cease to have value or worth?

Your accumulations and status serve “no-one” but YOUAnd they are NOT lasting… 

You are the only YOU ever to ever touch this earth

You  are unique and very needed.

You have…,and have always had… a purpose beyond self.

Without YOU and your insights, wisdom and true power there is a HOLE,  that will never be filled, and the world will miss out on what could have been.

You have the power to inspire, encourage, teach and serve this place called earth with your talents, wisdom, abilities and insights.

You have the power to create all that is needed to live a REAL life full of joy, freedom, and inspiration for yourself and to serve by teaching others what YOU have discovered.

Leaving a Legacy for all to enjoy and learn from throughout time.

But if you are only here to accumulate stuff and status for “SELF”…

You have missed the whole point of your existence and when you no longer have access to your ideals…,  you “WILL” fall HARD.

“It Is, What It Is”