Herein starts my journey into self.

Today is much the same as every other day I suppose. Except that I have a driving need after watching a documentary of Wittgenstein to seek my deeper purpose. My genuineness, my existence and what that is, or means. Philosophers have always stirred up a whirlpool of depth within, for me. I truly believe that everything on this earth was created by the Lord and even though many a religious person will build a wall and close their mind, for me, if God puts it before me I know I need to investigate it through the eyes of my faith and His grace.

I suppose it matters only too me… really,  but I know I am meant to be, and do, so much more than I have up to this point in life.

It’s not that I have not served purpose up to this point. I have given birth to seven wonderful unique children, no eight but my mother stopped the first one from entering my life. She did not do this for any reason other than ignorance, fear of the future and a limited mind when it came to the possibility that God does not create mistakes only Blessings and He had possabilities for that child too.

Oh but to dwell on what cannot be changed, has been and is no longer, is a futile and useless waste of my present.

Yet that is exactly what I need to do, to a point, in order to figure out what it is I am missing. What am I made up of…? Whose genes reside in me now from past generations? What is their part in their existence within me?  Of course it is kind of silly and redundant as I will never know for sure now, will I?

I love music to the depths of my soul. My heart , mind, and brain, sings within and hums all day , every day and always has. It is the music of me, or is it? Could it be the music of someone long ago? Maybe it has already been written or maybe never allowed out past the inner makings of it …like I do?  Give me a beat, and my heart creates a melody, give me a melody, and my mind creates the words (almost always in praise to my Lord). I hear music in a river, the wind, nature. I hear percussion in everything from walking, to busy streets, to rain. Where does it come from? Undoubtably the Lord, but there has always been an inner knowing that it comes from the depths of my inner core, which HE also created. What does that mean? I just wrote it, but it is another of my thoughts that eludes an answer. I know He creates us with gifts and talents to be used for His Glory.

Writing… another of my passions. I can never get enough. Oh… that I could write all day and have no need of income to pay the bills. Better yet write and receive enough income to pay the bills. But I can only write what is true and heartfelt to me. I have no time for fantasy writing or the reading of it. Life is to short to waste my present on something that throws away the precious commodity of time.

I am presently taking a course on copywriting for the purpose of earning income. I am not sure how this is going to work as I could only write what I know is true. Therefore I must find things to promote that I fully agree with as being the most superior, for the friends that I am promoting them to…

Is there even jobs within this writing that I will find? For some odd reason I intuitivly believe there not only is, but that there are many.  I also feel strongly that I will excel at what I am doing. Hmmm… is this a message from the past? An insight from the Lord ? Both?

It is hard taking the course, as it is all about “how to sell anybody, anything. But I know, “that” will not be how I use it, and I have an odd peace within as I learn. I see my writing future within the copywriting aspect as becoming a breakthrough. But I have no idea how that would play out yet. These of course, are my thoughts… am I trying to convince myself by writing them? Maybe.

Nov 5/17


ok, what do I call this? Day 1-a? I walked away from my computer, had a couple mouthfuls of coffee and wham!@&*# the thoughts started racing a hundred miles an hour so guess what,  I’m back…lol

At least 5 minutes have passed since I signed off the last entry.

I have decided I am going to post my writings on my website. GULP! After all it is called “Reflections of Life” and that’s what these are. Who knows if anyone will read them, it’s not an advertised site, just my little outlet. But that’s ok, cause I don’t care if any one reads them, or likes them, or agrees with them,… they are mine.

Don’t agree? To bad… don’t read them then because I won’t argue any of it. If on the other hand you would like to debate , discuss, or leave your thoughts about my thoughts, I’m all for it! I have nothing to prove, but a great deal I believe.

Since this will be public I must tell you I love the LORD with all my heart, soul and body, each and every day 24/7. BUT I do not believe, that the Jesus taught today is the same Jesus that was taught a few hundred years ago by the first pilgrims to step on the North American continent. There “ARE” those who do see the bigger realm of our LORD and what He stands for, and  they DO live by the Grace and Mercy of the Lord with understanding. But they, are few and far between, and very shunned by the majority of those who stand in the self righteous, self proclaimed authority of Christian Leadership today.

I do not believe in a Jesus or God who sees us as guilty , condemned and never measuring up. Jesus died for that.

I believe our sins, guilt, and condemnation were paid for by Jesus Blood over 2000 years ago and when He said “it is finished”, He meant it.

He did not say,” it will be finished, someday, once you are good enough, worked hard enough, asked forgivness enough”…

To say Jesus Blood was not enough to pay the debt of sin, is to say Adams sin was more powerful than Jesus blood. NO WAY. How can we really believe that if Jesus Blood was NOT enough, that “we” could ever try or do enough to make up for it????? Talk about “self righteous”!

If the debt of sin has been paid and it is finished, there is nothing else to do but be grateful beyond words and do our best to Honour and Glorify the one who paid our Debt.

The Word has been so twisted in the last few hundred years we barely have a shadow of what the Lord is really trying to teach, show, and give us. We, and I mean me as well, for a long long time, have been misguided and mis-taught on the Word and Will of the Lord.

I personally feel it was a slow paradigm of control and manipulation of the masses. To keep us in fear, doubt and condemnation thereby ensuring we could be guided and directed at will.

This is not necessarily the preacher or pastors fault, they were taught whatever they were taught and then pass it on to us. I believe with mostly good intentions and honest desire and love for the Lord BUT they, and us, tend to take others interpretations and viewpoints as fact, then work from there. Instead of reading, praying, researching the Lords word ourselves as well (it’s called laziness and becomes the blind, leading the blind).It is a dangerous place to be.

Will we and they still go to Heaven? Absolutely, the ONLY pre-requisite for salvation is Believing that Jesus was God’s Son, that he was born of a virgin (God and man) Emmanuel (God with us),  that He died on the cross for us and His blood paid for the debt of sin, then He rose again (bodily) to sit at the right hand of the Father while we await His return.

Salvation is not in question here, only missing out of a life filled with  JOY, Peace, REST, and all the Promises and Blessings the Lord has for us right now while we are still down here. You won’t have much of those if you are busy trying to measure up and work hard enough to qualify or stay qualified.

K, I’m done my rant now. And no I won’t be writing in this depth again on my beliefs. I just had to right now for some reason. Should you wish to know scripture for what I have written I will gladly provide it. If you wish to discuss this concept further or have questions let me know in the comments and I will give you my e-mail address as I have no intention of this topic taking over the site. Any comments that are not acceptable to my heart will be deleted and blocked.

tomorrow my journey continues…

Nov 5/17




 If you believe… You are in need

It is a lie

A “want” is NOT… a need

Don’t even try

If you search… the whole world over

You will never find your peace

Deep within are all your answers

Deep within is your release

If you think… that what you see

Is what you get

Toil and anguish… will be yours

sealed with regret

If you search… the whole world over

You will never find your peace

Deep within are all your answers

Deep within is your release

If you feel… you OWN an atom

you are blind

Can’t you see… that ALL things vanish

over time

If you search… the whole world over

You will never find your peace

Deep within are all your answers

Deep within is your release

If you know… you have it all

then you are wise

Your connection to the truth

within… will rise

No search outside is needed

In Rest and Peace… you’ll live

You will never be defeated

Light and Love… is what you’ll give

CMJordan Oct 3, 2015

Who AM I ?

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I have yet to get past Chapter 1 in my reading of this most profound book. This will be my Second Post and the beginning of my Quest but the depth of my comprehension is 99% un-describable with words or metaphors. (0 .2% ) of that 1% lies with in this post and( 0.8%) of that 1% I leave in my journal. As it would not be understood in its present state…. other than possibly within conversation…

As and If I am able to give it description… it will be put to written comprehendible concepts and I will present it here too . But for now…

My prayer is that those who are seeking find a spark in these posts that helps them go deeper… think outside the boundaries…, on their own journey of Enlightenment.

As a person who has always sought the LORD (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) for as long as I can remember, there have been many many things that have puzzled me throughout my walk with Him.

Things I knew to be True but was completely unsure of WHY/ or HOW ?

I have always known in my Spirit that if it is here, on earth….  it is here because the Creator put it here for us to enjoy, use, experience etc.

I’m talking about a wide variety of topics never approached and always shunned or disregarded within the borders of Christianity and its man developed doctrines.

Yet even with out their approval My Spirit remained calm in a “knowing” that it was all a part of a much bigger picture than, I was able to see or, understand at the time.

I have no desire to debate or argue or convince anyone of anything I believe. Just a driving curiosity as to how it all fit together.

Never (to my knowledge) would I adopt a concept that goes against “The WORD or the WILL of GOD”. It has always been my upfront boundary that is immovable.

But very few if any saw, thought or felt as I did about the concept of “Truths” outside the box of taught doctrines.

I was told, I was dangerously melding my Christianity with New Age concepts or Mystic concepts or of People whose words and wisdoms did not believe in “JESUS as Saviour” therefore the wisdoms and knowledge of,… were not of GOD and I would be lost.

My Spirit felt only sadness at the untruths and ignorance of the mentors trying to convince me. For they too were led astray by their education, designed by the human mind. And the heart breaking destruction of souls being detoured from “The Door” with the untruths and ignorance of twisted concepts and partial truths presented as “GODS meaning” in His WORD.

Not that it will change their Salvation, but  the life they live and experience while down here is so much less than it could be.

Few question the teacher… Why is that?… Even fewer seek and research for themselves.

Is it fear of being lead astray?

Is it laziness?

To time consuming?…

I’m not sure and it’s really not mine to discern.

TRUTH will only be found in seeking HIM with HIS illumination of HIS WORD . Not in the vain human dissection of HIS WORD and the human mind trying to comprehend HIS meanings.

I feel for those who look but do not see and listen but do not hear, but I also understand.

I was somewhat the same till my mid twenties. The preaching that was popular instructed that anything not in the Bible was not of God. Also taught with a vengeance was, every verse that points out, how easy it is to be mislead by the world and thereby putting your assurance of eternity at risk.

My Quest for deeper connection and truth continues today almost 40 years later.

I do not believe we have enough time now here to EVER absorb it all but there is far more than any can comprehend and there is complete FREEDOM to be found within the Seeking.

The last few months have been the first months in my lifetime that I have experienced solitude. I raised 7 children as a single parent and then took care of my aging parents for 5 years after, which all changed in May, 2015. I am about to turn sixty and for the first time in my life, my time is mine. My quest started almost immediately my parents moving into a Lodge.  And has been an all consuming fire than burns within 24/7 since day 1.

Don’t get me wrong, I go to work ,as well as, babysit within my 17 grandchildren, attend family events and get togethers but I am experiencing solo time without interuption. A brand new experience I am very grateful for.

I know in the very near future I will have the freedom to contemplate and write at anytime day or night, as I am enlightened, but for now I am grateful for the newly found moments I have. I am not  the person I was 3 months ago, nor will I ever be again.

CMJordan, Aug/2015

My Journey thru “The Impersonal Life” #3


REALITY ? We have been seriously mislead

Every reality we have been taught exists,  is completely FALSE
“We” ,as determined by our physical presence, have decided , by our own egotistical  human vanity, What is “Fact”, What is “True”, and What is “Real”.
If you can NOT see it, touch it, smell it, hear it then… “IT” is not real.
Therefore we debate the reality or existence of God, Divine Intelligence, Creator, Soul… call HIM what you will…
I ask you to contemplate, of your own free will, where REAL truth and/ or REALITY exist.
Can you see sight? Can you see touch? Can you see smell? Can you see sound?
 Therefore by your own standards are they real?????
Your existence as a tangible form (human body) depends 100% completely on the unseen to even exist… Does it not?
You cannot see the AIR
You cannot see what causes your heart to pump, your lungs to breathe, your brain to think, your mind to evaluate…
You cannot see gravity, which holds all the things together (including you)
You cannot see energy, but it  keeps you warm, gives you light, runs your computer, makes your muscles work, allows you to hear, to breathe…
You cannot see thought
You cannot see the mind
You cannot see sound (yes you can hear it, but you cannot touch it or see it)
AND you cannot see your soul, that piece of the Eternal Divine Intelligence within your body. Which in its entirety “IS” the REAL you. It always existed and always will.
The physically “seen” YOU changes by the mili-second. It was created and therefore will become ,over time, molecules of other matter.
Is the “you” that was born the same “you” as now?
Of course not!
Here is an analogy borrowed from Wayne Dyer that states it as good as any: Not 1 cell of that babies body still exists as that body….  nor does your toddler body, your teen body not even your body from 10 years ago still exists as you…
So were they real?
Were they real once, but now they are not?
How is that possible?
Is the internet real? (just a thought, lol)
If you stand on the intellect of human conclusion of “real” then the answer must be “NO” to all of the above…
Unless of course you have double and contradicting standards… Where is the line? How do we determine where that line is? and Why ?
The answer of course is : we don’t really understand any of it and therefore have made our own imaginary line. Which by the way “can NOT be seen” and will forever be moved as we see fit.
Anything your eyes can see, is not lasting .… It is here now… at this time in history, but will not exist ,as it does now, in 2 minutes… 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 years …
As each second passes the cells and atoms within are changing. Particles falling back to the dust from where they came…they are NOT gone… they will be re-distributed into other matter, via wind, water, gravity… , they just ceased to be particles of you.
What is real must be lasting… BUT there is nothing on this earth that is lasting… Every particle of energy that exists here is in a constant state of change.
Everything on this earth was nothing more than thought until  created.
By either the Divine Intelligence (The Creator of the earth and all Nature on it) OR “Us”,  with inspiration from… the Divine Intelligence that resides within.
We were created “in HIS Image”and given access, within our body, to all HE is.
Genesis 1:26…Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”’
Genesis 1:28 God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”…
Ephesians 4:24 …and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Ecclesiastes 7:29…This only have I found: God created mankind upright, but they have gone in search of many schemes.”
2Peter: 4-13 4 For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust.
5 Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge,
6 and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness,
7 and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love.
8 For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
9 For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins.
10Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble;
11 for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you.
12 Therefore, I will always be ready to remind you of these things, even though you already know them, and have been established in the truth which is present with you.
13 I consider it right, as long as I am in this earthly dwelling, to stir you up by way of reminder,…
I leave you today, with a fact you “DO know as TRUE”
Are you ready yet… to even slightly contemplate it?
It has manifested from time to time ,to you, throughout your life but you usually bury it quickly. For fear of ……
If you search inside yourself, you already know the insight above to be True… Not the you of the Body… but the “YOU” in your soul.

CMJordan,25/07/ 2015

My Journey thru “The Impersonal Life” #2




My mind + my intellect = my personality.

But my personality is nothing more than an expression of the Host (the body)  I inhabit on this earth.

The REAL me,  (Spirit, conscious energy) is a cell, a molecule, an atom of the infinite Creators infinite Body. I am an Expression of HIM, of His personality.

I exist (the real me) only within Him and HE exists in everything.

Ephesians 4:6 NSAB…one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and IN ALL.
  • If part of  Rundle Mountain collapses and falls to the base, at what point does any boulder, rock or dust of the mountain, cease to be 100% Rundle Mountain?

  • If you take a piece home is it now no longer the mountain since it has been moved to a different location?

  • Is Rundle Mountain itself ( the part that still stands strong) now less than 100% Rundle Mountain?

  • After giving birth to a child who took some of my Genes am I now less me?

I have been given this Material Host (body) and placed in this system with a purpose, a function.

The Host (body) is temporary and has NO eternal or infinite value.

The Host will return to the dust on this earth from where it came, once it has served its purpose.

(Genesis 3:19, NASB  For you are dust,And to dust you shall return.”)

Everything from this earth must stay on this earth, for it is“finite” and was created but for a moment.


Does that make me GOD?  NO, NO, NO !!!! 1 thousand to the millionth power NO…!


Ephesians 4:6 NSAB…one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and IN all.

What part of “ALL” does that leave out?

Therefore HE is IN, OF and THROUGH ME.


I AM NOT the Completeness of …

Nor can I be…

nor Will I ever be….

But the “real me”, the untouchable, intangible, Spirit and Soul Me is still 100% HIM

I AM no less My LORD than the pebble that fell from the mountain, could cease to be 100% that mountain.

CMJordan, 22/07/2015

My Journey thru “The Impersonal Life” #1



TODAY is the first day of the rest of your life!

You have no past to live up to…

I ABSORBED some words Yesterday.

I did not listen to them, I HEARD

I did not look at them, I SAW

I did not think on them, I WAS CONSUMED by them

I became, as the substance in a washing machine.

As each bubble bursts, having completed its task, I absorb the fresh air and new light from where the grime has been washed away


And Know 


It was coffee break…

Only a half an hour long but the beginning of a journey  “I knew”,.. had put to death the “Me”, I thought I was.
My soul stirred…at first a very large whirlpool slowly swirling above me, then forming a funnel, it penetrated ,every cell of my body, to the depth of my innermost being.
As it reached the soles of my feet, it spontaneously shot outwards, consuming the ground under me as a gigantic firework flattened. Shooting out in an ever enlarging illuminated circle of projected light beams full of energy and power…
All thought dissipating… My heartbeat slowing to a new serenity… My awareness tuning to the whispering music of the trees…. soothing my existence…
With new found freedom, the fallen leaves were skipping and playing on the sidewalk beside me.
The gentle caress of  tepid wind cleansing and empowering as it flowed over my face, my neck my hair, my hands… and ever so gently billowed my clothing.

I AM ready LORD…. It’s time

Herein lies my quest as I submerge.

CMJordan, 20/07/2015